


Attack on Titan Short Story Collection

by Fantasy_Is_My_Reality



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Comedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-08
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-04-12 13:33:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19133047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fantasy_Is_My_Reality/pseuds/Fantasy_Is_My_Reality
Summary: Just a bunch of short stories I compiled.





	1. Fireworks

"Alright you brats!" Captain Levi shouted over all the commotion of the gathered recruits. "We'll be trying some different training today." A dangerous smirk crossed his features, and Erwin stalked up behind him, holding a large bag. All the teenagers gulped when they saw the expression on the short man's face.

Soldiers who were lucky enough to not be dragged into this special training snickered to each other from behind the windows of the surrounding buildings, and it seemed as if everyone except the people involved, namely Eren and the others from the 104th Cadet Core, seemed to know what was going on.

"Hey guys," Jean whispered uneasily. "Why does the Captain look so happy?"

"I don't know, but it's creeping me out," Connie responded, shivering in anticipation. The last time Captain Levi had smiled was when there had been a sale on cleaning supplies in town two months ago, and he hadn't smiled since.

It wasn't exactly a smile to say, it was more of a look that would anyone know that they were completely and utterly screwed.

"Ymir, I'm scared," Christa cried, latching onto her friend.

The brunette seemed mostly unfazed, though she did look somewhat uneasy. "What I'm more concerned with is why Commander Erwin told us to wear our shabbiest casual clothing that we wouldn't mind discarding. I thought we were training."

"What's that short stack planning?" Mikasa growled, narrowing her dark eyes at him.

The new recruits were gathered in the courtyard in front of the castle, apparently preparing for some sort of new exercise. Under the intense stares of their superiors, they huddled together like a bunch of terrified lambs.

Suddenly, the doors burst forth and the eccentric scientist leaped out, waving around a lighter and drawing out a wave of murmurs from the spectators.

"They're dead meat," Eld commented, the rest of Levi Squad nodding in the background.

"Levi!" She pranced over to the Captain and Commander, who dipped their heads together and shielded whatever they had in their hands from view. The occasional giggle from Hange could be heard, and the teenagers could only wait anxiously for a few minutes before they ended their conversation.

"So," Levi said, turning around to face them. "I've noticed that the majority of you idiots don't know how to dodge properly during training." He looked pointedly to Eren, who yesterday had gotten sent to the infirmary from getting smacked by a fake Titan cutout when they were practicing in the forest.

Swallowing down his fear, the Titan-shifter struggled not to look away as he was pierced by steely gray eyes. He could feel them boring a hole into his soul, causing sweat to drip down face almost enough to rival Bertholdt.

"Thanks, loser." Jean muttered, shooting a glare at the brown-haired boy, who turned to glower back.

"That's why," Levi continued, snapping the two teenagers from their staring match, "We've come up with an alternate exercise to test your abilities."

Turning to look behind him, Eren could see Mike and Moblit each holding the ends of a long rope, walking away from each other and pulling it taunt once they had reached the side of two buildings. Now the recruits were trapped inside the rope-boundary and between the buildings, along with a very intimidating Captain who seemed to eat up their fear.

Erwin dug his hand into the large brown bag he was cradling, slowly drawing out a long, thin cylinder object with a stick protruding from one end.

Is that really what I think it is? Reiner stared in disbelief, and Bertholdt visibly began sweating. Even Sasha had stopped eating a piece of bread she snuck out to stare at the object in the Commander's hand, a visible look of confusion and realization flashing across her face.

At that moment, everyone had a vague suspicion about what was about to go down, but they all prayed to the walls that it wasn't going to happen. Unfortunately, they had no such luck.

"There was a sale on fireworks!" Hange declared gleefully, her eyes gleaming crazily. "So we decided that we should change things up a bit! Make life more interesting, ya know?"

"Since normally you have no incentive to do well during training, how about this? There are five hundred of these fireworks, and I'm not gonna stop until every last one has been used. And by the way, these things hurt like Hell so I don't recommend being hit." Levi warned. "And don't cross the line, or you'll have me to deal with."

Whimpers of fear emitted from them, the other Scouts watching in pity and amusement.

"We're so dead," Eren moaned, giving up all hope of survival.

"And another thing," Levi continued, tossing one of the fireworks up and catching it, the teenagers flinching at the audible smack it made as it met his palm. "I never miss."

"Begin!" Erwin yelled, handing a bundle of twenty-five to Hange, who quickly lit them and passed to Levi. Shrieking, the soldiers all scattered, Jean and Connie sprinting to a tree where they were promptly forced away by senior squad leaders positioned behind the trunk.

"Stay out in the open!"

Finding no other shelter, Christa and Ymir darted behind Reiner and Bertholdt, the largest of all the recruits and who had collective looks of terror on their faces.

"Hey I'm not a meat shield Ymir!" Reiner protested.

"I don't care just protect my Christa with that fat body of yours!" She screamed back, covering the smaller, blonde girl with her arms.

"Fine! And I'm not fat!"

"Is this really the time Reiner?!" Bertholdt wailed as a yellow rocket narrowly whizzed by his face, which he barely managed to avoid.

"I don't think clumping together is gonna help!" Someone hollered from the windows, drawing Levi's attention towards them.

"Oh shit! Scatter!" Reiner howled as seven fireworks were aimed at them. He dove to the side just in time as they flew by where his head had previously been. But it just so happened that Jean was running past behind them, and one of the fireworks rammed into his crotch, where he collapsed screeching in pain.

"Oh God why?!"

Levi focused his attention on another group, the three from Shiganshia. Armin was standing next to Eren and Mikasa, who were in a heated debate about something. Armin, seeing the packet of fireworks being pointed towards them, tugged desperately at Eren sleeve, only to be ignored.

"Eren!" He shook his shoulders desperately, finally getting pulling him away from his argument.

"What?!" Eren whirled around just as two blazing red rockets propelled into his stomach, knocking the wind out of him and searing a hole in his clothes.

"Eren!" Mikasa screamed, dodging a blue one that flew past her face.

Another one hit Armin in the chest, and he too was blown off his feet.

"What is this cynical Hell?!" Connie squealed as a green firework sped past his nose. He wasn't so lucky with the next one though, as it hit him straight in the backside as he was turning around.

"AAAHHHHH!" He hit the ground hard, rolling around in the grass to smother the dying embers.

"Don't touch my bread!" Sasha squawked, jumping over a firework and accidentally shoving two other recruits to the ground. "Oh shoot my bad-"

The freshly-baked food disappeared from her hands as she looked the other way.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!" She doubled over sobbing and crawled over to her now badly seared piece of bread, desperately attempting to salvage what was left of it.

"Sasha don't!" Reiner rushed over to try to pry it out of her mouth, bending over and giving Captain Levi the perfect target.

I'll teach you to be so tall, Levi thought jealously as the rocket found its target, a straight bullseye into the six-foot boy's ass.

"OW!" He fell over Sasha, batting out the fire from his singed pants, which fell away to reveal his light blue boxers now turned gray.

I knew the Survey Corps was a bad idea, Bertholdt thought to himself as Levi turned to him, the most obvious target as the tallest in the courtyard, excluding Mike who was observing silently behind the corner of the building and thanking the Walls that he wasn't a recruit anymore. The smoke was annoying his nose quite a bit, but it wasn't every day that you got to watch Humanities' Strongest (And shortest) shoot fireworks at a bunch of terrified teenagers. But to be fair, who wouldn't be?

"Hey Titan," Levi aimed at Bertholdt, who visibly paled and shrunk.

Oh crap does he know-

His train of thought was interrupted as two rockets hit him in the temple and another three hit him in the pelvis, knocking him clean off his feet.

"Only one hundred left!" Erwin bellowed over the chaos; kids were bumping into each other and tumbling down with a firework or few lodged in their clothes. The blue-eyed man whipped out the last one hundred, which looked petrifying. They were twice the size of the regular ones Levi had been shooting, and the ends were in the shapes of sharp points.

"If you can't handle this, you'll never be able to beat the Titans!" Levi began chucking them as they launched, making them twice as fast and hit much harder, and if they thought that the old ones hurt, it was nothing compared to the agony of being hit by one of these monstrosities. The Scouts cringed from the window, smoke rising in the air and assaulting their nostrils.

"Join the Survey Corps they said!" Connie squalled, his pants aflame. "It'll be fun they said!" He ran into Bertholdt, who had just gotten up, catching his clothes on fire too.

"Connie! Bertholdt!" Armin dashed towards them, only to be tripped as Levi hurled one at his feet, and it began exploding in a shower of colorful sparks and loud booms.

"Oh yeah! I forgot we had those!" Hange whooped, shaking Levi just as he released another one, which flew towards the building to his left. Olou and Gunther jumped back from the window just in time as it blew into a thousand sparks, knocking back into Petra and Eld and the Levi Squad all fell unceremoniously into a pile on the floor.

"Don't touch me shitty glasses!" Levi snarled. "Or I'll shove one of these things down your damn throat!"

Laughing, Hange danced out of reach and went to hide behind Erwin. Rolling his eyes, he went back to demolishing the recruits. He could always deal with her any other day, but it's not every day you get to play dodgeball with fireworks. Well, one-sided dodgeball.

"You couldn't tell us earlier they exploded?!" Eren roared, immediately regretting it as Levi started directing all his strength towards knocking the angry teenager down.

"Augh!" One skimmed the top of his head as he evaded a firework at the last second.

"Last one!" Erwin declared, bringing something out from behind his back. It looked like an actual bomb.

"You're going to throw a bomb at us?!"

"Of course not," The Commander chuckled, handing it to Levi. "He is. Once it explodes, there's a coin inside. Whoever catches that coin will be excused from their chores for a week."

"WHAT?!" The effect was instantaneous. Everyone scrambled up, looking fixedly at the object in Levi's hand. He waved it from side to side and they all followed.

"Tch, brats." Tensing up his muscles, he heaved it into the sky where it disappeared from view.

"Get ready!"

It came back down, combusting into pieces fifty feet above their heads. A glint of gold could be seen flying towards them, and they bolted after it.

The coin whistled through the air towards the two superiors, and a stampede of feet followed after them. They were so entranced that they bulldozed right into Erwin and Levi, the latter who was swept up in a tidal wave of bodies. All the Scouts held their breaths as everyone toppled into one big heap on the grass, Levi and Erwin at the very bottom. The entire clearing was silent.

Then, a very pissed off "Get the fuck off me!" could be heard from beneath the recruits, and people rushed to get off spewing apologies and begging for their lives.

"Who got the coin?"

"I'm so sorry!"

"Please don't kill me!"

"Where is it?"

"Get off of him!"

"HEY!" Reiner shouted over the noise, and everyone quieted down a bit. "Who's got the coin?"

He was met with empty stares as everyone swiveled their heads to look at each other and holding up their coinless hands.

"I don't have it."

"Me neither."

"Same."

"Then who the Hell has it?" Jean demanded, glowering.

"I do." A low baritone rumbled, and everyone's hopes and dreams for a relaxing week was plummeted into the darkest recesses of their minds.

Levi held up the coin, smirking triumphantly. A chorus of sighs and complaints erupted.

"Is that even allowed Commander?"

"This has got to be a joke!"

"But he likes chores!"

"Come on!"

Connie and Sasha looked like they were on the verge of tears, and no one appeared much better. Soot and dirt covered their bodies from head to toe, and the majority of their clothes contained blackened holes. Bertholdt had fallen into a horse trough, leaving the gentle giant completely drenched. Christa and Ymir were covered head to toe in mud, and even Mikasa wasn't able to leave unscathed.

"Well I didn't say who was qualified to catch it." Erwin smiled apologetically.

"If you all want it that badly, you're free to fight me for it. If you win, you can have it." Levi flipped the coin in his hand, glaring challengingly at the teenagers surrounding him. "And if one of you brats really can beat me, then I'll extend it to a month."

They all looked at each other, weighing their options. He had to be tired from firing all those rockets, right? Right?

"C-can we fight in doubles?" Armin asked meekly.

"Whatever, sure."

"Mikasa?"

"No thanks," She shook her head. "I don't feel like it and I don't mind the chores that much." The truth was, one of the fireworks had ripped the waistband of her pants, and she didn't really want to fight singlehanded while the other held up her clothes.

"Reiner?"

He seemed to contemplate it for a second, before saying, "Only if someone else fights with me."

"Bertholdt! You were third in the entire 104th!" Connie urged, nudging the quiet boy.

"What?! No thanks! Uh, Eren why don't you? You were one of the best at hand-to-hand combat!"

"Um...."

"Come on! At least try!" Ymir encouraged, though she only wanted to see him get his ass kicked.

Flashbacks of the courtroom flew through Eren's mind, before he was rudely interrupted.

"Are we doing this or not? I don't have all damn day!" Levi spat, crossing his arms. Everyone stared at him expectantly, and he knew if he didn't do it Jean would mock him for the rest of eternity.

Swallowing, Eren finally agreed, though he would rather face a Titan emptyhanded. "Fine! I'll do it! Reiner! Let's go!"

"I've gotta see this!" Hange darted out, followed by other excited Survey Corps members.

"Alright then I guess-" Reiner hit the floor so fast that no one even saw Levi move. Everyone backed up a few steps, leaving Eren the only one within twenty feet of the world's strongest man.

"Um i-is it too late to back out now? Captain?" Eren, cowered back, preparing to have every bone in his body shattered and rearranged.

"Yes, brat."

From that day forth, there was an Eren-shaped dent next to the pavement, a grim reminder to humanity to not mess with the Captain scarier than Titans.


	2. Towels

                The thudding of many pairs of soggy boots clamored down the halls of the Survey Corps. Screams echoed loudly down the empty pathways; today was the mandatory legion-wide training day, which had ended up in a massive rainstorm. Despite the raging weather, Erwin refused to let anyone inside until all the drills were finished. Thus, they had trained hours into the torrent, which only seemed to get worse as it progressed. Everyone was soaked, recruits, squad leaders, Captain Levi, and even the Commander. And the moment the stubborn, blond-haired man announced that training was over, it was a free for all to the showers.

                The boys and girls had branched off, the females noticeably calmer than the males. Throwing aside rank, everyone stampeded to the restrooms, which there were only two of in the entire place. One for the girls and one for the boys. The doors were slammed open, Jean and Eren scrambling at each other to be first followed by the other recruits, the elder members of the Corps a little less eager than the newer soldiers to be drawn into a wild boxing match for a shower. Poor Armin was nearly stampeded over, only saved by Mike as he grabbed his arm before he could fall.

                “Hey! I got here first horse-face!” Eren snarled at Jean, pushing at him with his shoulder. They had both simultaneously chosen the same shower head. Most of the males clumped together with their familiar groups, leaving the 104th in the rightmost corner of the area.

                And of course, leaving a bunch of teenage boys to roam free to fight for a bath would end in nothing but chaos. There was only about one waterspout for every three heads, and everybody was chilled to the bone. Whoever was last would get no hot water. To save space, Erwin had torn down all the stalls, but being in a mass of drenched men arguing naked in front of each other didn’t seem to bother them as much as not being able to wash off all the filthy rainwater and mud.

                “I’m freezing!” Connie whimpered, covering himself.

                “Come on guys, why can’t we just all take turns?” Reiner tried to separate the Eren and Jean, who were about to start throwing punches.

                “He started it!”

                “Try that again, you suicidal maniac!”

                “What the Hell did you just call me?!”

                Meanwhile, the shy Bertholdt just tried to quietly sneak under a showerhead without being shoved into a wall, all the while pieces of soap started flying in the air as Jean and Eren started going at each other, ignoring Reiner and Armin. Connie, the shortest male there, was nearly trampled to death as other teenagers joined in, desperately brawling for a shower.

                The older soldiers weren’t having much better luck either.

                “Gunther! I got here first!” Olou growled as the two had a stare-off. Eld, who had managed to get there before either of them, just sighed as he water poured over his head watching them bicker.

                Captain Levi and Commander Erwin were the last to make it, though immediately two showers opened up since no one wanted to face the short man’s wrath. He already looked murderous, with deeper bags around his eyes than usual, probably from shouting at all the recruits and rescuing them from breaking their necks the entire day. Erwin didn’t look much better; his usually neat golden hair was in disarray, and he too looked exhausted. Neither of them even bothered to comment on the chaos. People were wrestling on the floor, and objects flew around smacking random people in the face.

                Mike, who was lucky enough to get a shower since he was so large no one wanted to fight him, stood gazing at the wall, not seeming to be leaving anytime soon. Another soldier, Gelgar, was in a heated debate with Hange’s assistant, Moblit, both under the same shower as another pair of soldiers tumbled at their feet.

                The younger soldiers were beginning to push into their superiors’ space, but Levi still didn’t spare them a second glance. As long as they stayed the Hell away from him he didn’t care, he just wanted to get out of the damn monkey house as quickly as possible. After watching a good portion of them fail in ways he never thought possible during training, he was more than ready to retreat to his private quarters and settle down with a steaming cup of tea. Their shrieking was tolerable, for now. Either way, he could just give them a punishment sometime later when he didn’t feel like collapsing under a flood of water. It had been so busy lately, preparing for their next expedition that he hadn’t slept a blink in four days. Most of the higher-level officers had barely slept, too.

                Their fighting still hadn’t reached him yet, since everyone gave him and Erwin a wide berth. Levi still had enough energy to glare at them after all. Still, there were other things he would have rather done than stand completely nude in the middle of a bunch of aggravated soldiers fighting each other for a goddamn shower. And the people who had won their showers didn’t seem to be wanting to leave anytime soon, since it had been a good fifty degrees outside, pouring frigid water on everyone. Eventually, the disagreements began to cease.

                Everything was de-escalating until someone had the genius idea to twist a wet towel and deliver a stinging blow to some unfortunate soul’s behind. Levi was still scrubbing the soap out of his hair with his eyes scrunched shut when a loud slap echoed across the bathhouse, seeming to emitted from the corner with Eren and the others. He wasn’t sure exactly who did it, but once he found out he was going to shove it so far up their ass that they’ll be shitting pieces of it for a week. The slap was immediately followed by a shrill screech, and then everything fell apart. Every boy under the age of seventeen decided that wet towel blows were the only way to go, and scrambled madly for their linen.

                 “I’m not dying here!” Connie howled, waving it around him wildly, hitting a few people who couldn’t dodge fast enough. Unfortunately, Armin happened to be standing close enough with his back turned to be hit directly across the thighs, and he tumbled down wailing.

                 Jean and Eren were still locked in battle, this time trying to strangle each other with towels instead of fists. Several unlucky people who were close enough got caught in the crossfire, and everyone began invading each other’s spaces. Moblit slipped as he was backing up, falling backwards onto Levi who was then pushed into Erwin, the latter who seemed to be dozing off under the showerhead.

                 Hurling obscenities at the terrified assistant, the quick-tempered captain thrust him off and stormed towards the middle of the conflict, leaving Erwin extremely confused as to how he ended up flat on his back on the floor and Moblit on the verge of fainting.

                 “Hey you pieces of horseshit, cut it out!” The senior members all shrunk back when he passed, but most of the younger ones didn’t seem to notice him over all the hollering. He was nearly knocked over when Bertholdt tumbled backwards, dragging Reiner with him when he stumbled over someone hunched on the floor.

                 “I said,” Levi inhaled, and his squad all held their breaths, wincing as they prepared for what was coming. “SHUT THE FUCK UP OR I WILL GIVE ALL OF YOU SOMETHING TO SCREAM ABOUT!”

                 That was when a sharp, stinging pain erupted on his ass, undoubtedly from someone’s stray towel. 

                 The entire room fell silent as he processed what the Hell just happened. Even Eren and Jean had stopped quarreling to gawk in horror at the fuming man standing in the middle of a pile of wet bodies. At that moment anyone in the room would have preferred to be devoured by a Titan than to wait for what was to inevitably come.

_We’re so screwed,_ was the only thing that flashed through everyone’s mind at that instant.

                 “All of you shitheads,” He said dangerously low, anger radiating off him and killing every hope of survival they ever had. No one had thought it was possible that someone that small could ever hold that much terror. “ARE GOING TO BE SHITTING TOWELS FOR THE NEXT FUCKING MONTH!”

                 None of the recruits from the 104th Cadet Core had ever felt the agony of being whipped by a wet towel going one hundred miles per hour, and no one ever would since that day.

 ***

                 “Why are they all standing?” Christa whispered to Ymir, who just shrugged nonchalantly.

                 “I dunno. When are they not being weird?”

                 “And why is Captain Levi scowling like that?”

                 The Titan-slayer had a good thirty feet radius around him, and even the Commander was a bit fearful to sit within that distance. They had seen horrors that would haunt their nightmares for all of eternity that night. Some of the older Scouts who had not been fast enough to escape his reach also fell under his rage, and most were grumbling cautiously to the ones lucky enough to be able to sit down without feeling like someone had set fire to their backsides. All the girls could only stare curiously at the males, most of whom were standing up with their meals and wincing with every move.

                 “Hey Connie,” Sasha leaned over to him, talking softly. Even she was affected by the unusual atmosphere. “Why did most of you guys limp in here? What happened?”

                 Connie could only mumble something about towels and the devil, and none of the other boys seemed any more responsive to the probing.

                 “Let’s just say, none of those brats know how to really whip a towel,” Levi stalked past, smirking smugly as he went to go wash his plates.

                 And no one dared to place their towel within his reach in the bathhouse since that day.


End file.
